Photo Gallery

This is how I looked at the tender age of five. This was my school photo in Primary One at Tillicoultry Primary School.

Note the NHS glasses, the grey pullover, the unkempt tie, and the hair sticking all over the place. Even at that early age, I knew I was destined to be a Computer Scientist.

Me, alongside my darling sister, Alison. Seconds after this photo was taken, I was bullying her in a big-brotherly sort of way. Probably.

Me modelling an ill-fitting pair of pyjamas, proudly displaying some piece-of-shit boat that I've made using just a straw, a piece of cardboard and a couple of foil trays. Impressive, non?

Bloody Hell! I have to agree with the detailed analysis of one of my friends, who described this photograph as "a complete stoater".

If any of your friends are considering having children, show them this photograph. That'll soon put them off.