hello there!  i'm philippa forrester.  you probably know me best for presenting tv's "tomorrow's world" with jon snow, although you may remember my ground-breaking presentation skills doing the links between childrens programmes during the school holidays about ten years ago.

however, that's not the end to my talents.  oh no!  i am also a regular team captain on the hit channel 5 karaoke show "night fever", regularly leading my team of female minor-celebrities, such as carol out of "hollyoaks" or that woman that used to be in "grange hill" (you know, the one who had the kid), to victory.  you don't get such heady responsibilities unless you know everything there is to know about music.  which i do.  which means that i'm the ideal person to review the latest singles for PopGob.

unfortunately, my cd player is broken at the moment, so i'm just going to review the front covers of the singles.  but since most new music is just noise, that should be ok.

boyzone - another love

what a stupid name this band have.  first of all, they're not "boyz" - they look about 30.  and there's not just "one" of them - there's five.  they should be called "menfive".  [at this point, the PopGob journalist explains that philippa has misread their name] "boyz on e"???  i think this is shocking.  they are openly promoting the taking of dangerous drugs which millions of people die from each week.  they should be banned immediately.

spice girls - stop

oh, i'm not really all that interested in the spice girls.  i mean, they're girls!  who cares about women?  i know i don't.  give me a bloke like that dirty-looking one out of boyzone anyday.

peter andre - giddy little kipper

phwoarr!  this is more like it!  just look at that muscly bod!  whoever has the job of oiling him up is the luckiest person in showbusiness.  i'd like to make the "beast with two backs" with him, if you know what i mean.

pulp - this is hardcore

people take the piss out of jarvis, just cause he's a bit different, but i wouldn't say no to him.  unless he refused to take off that stupid velvet jacket.  then i'd just send him packing.

911 - popchomping

naw... too young.  i doubt any of them have got any pubes yet.

all saints - under the bridge

ugh!  more girls!  next!

philippa's single of the month: robbie williams - let me entertain you

yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes!  robbie is my number one top pop totty.  ok, so he's slept around with every single woman in showbusiness - even the ugly one out of all saints - but that wicked smile, slimline torso, and wanky haircut just do it for me every time.  some people preferred mark in 'take that', but you always knew that robbie was the one who'd show you his arse if you gave him 50p. so, if i had to give robbie a mark out of two, i'd give him one, if you know what i mean!