When I was at school, there was a standard way of working out whether you should ask someone out on a date - the love calculator. The fact that I still use this method probably accounts for my disasterous love life.
The idea was simple. Count up all the letter 'L's, 'O's, 'V's, 'E's and 'S's in both your name, and the object of your desire's (eg. Roderick Alexander Begbie gives 11050). Then add each pair of consecutive digits to give the next line (so 11050 becomes 2155). Repeat until you have a two-digit number. This value is a percentage, showing how much the first person loves the second. (or something. I forget. But a high percentage is a good sign, and a low percentage is bad.)
Now, in this age of global warming, it's time to save the pages and pages of notepads that are being used to calculate these figures, and let the computers do the work instead. Presenting, the Love Calculator...
Enter your name, and the name of your potentially loved one, and let the calculator do the rest.
(If you get a low score, or the calculator crashes out, try adding/removing middle names, or lengthening abbreviated names... Lisa Kudrow loves Rod Begbie 99%, but only loves Roderick Alexander Begbie 28%!)pouchy-unbiased
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